Sarcasm

 Hi this is my 1st hub guys

here is nothing more beautiful than sarcasm. That is definitely an
overstatement but it should balance the moronic comment which says that
sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. Now, whoever made that statement
was desperately in need of a rectal broomstick extraction procedure.

Sarcasm usually requires a quick wit, and the ability to extract the
minutest points of weakness in a conversation. So it is quite unlikely
that it is the lowest form of humor as some would like to call it.
Perhaps not being able to enjoy sarcasm is directly related to not
having the ability to come up with sarcastic comments, which in turn
creates a feeling of inadequacy, which in turn can spawn a Napoleon
complex, that can cause someone to logicise that sarcasm is the humor
of the stupid.

Now I know what most of you are going to say, and I cannot wait to hear
from each and every one of you. Take your time and don't worry if you
seem to be an idiot, for you its normal.

It makes no sense to say "I could care less"! That statement means that
it is possible for you to care less, meaning that you at least care a
little. What you really mean to say is, "I couldn't care less". I'm
sure it is crystal clear to you now, but you could care less about what
I have to say.

Anyway, As I know some of you in this group are christians I would like
to offer up my heart felt words of prayer and know that you all will
join with me in my obvious bending low to your level.

This is my prayer...

"Hi, God, it's just me, just the nightly prayer and I guess most people
still think I don't believe in You but we know different, don't we?
Everybody think I'm just all sarcastic cynical blood sucking joke boy
and I don't have a spiritual bone in my body but I guess the joke is on
them and I wouldn't say 'no' if it turned out to be a physically
painful practical joke either, though that's, as always, entirely up to
You.

So, anyway, God, I just want to thank You for the weather today, sunny
and in the mid seventies which is just what I like,  In fact I'd like
to thank You for the whole day in general which was great except for
the part where I had to open my wallet and spend money which I'll be
damned if I'll thank You for, pardon my French, God. I mean, I know
supposedly you never give anyone more than they can bare, but come on,
that really hurt and You know that wallet is a home to many many
powdery moth.
Oh, and I'm really not that thankful for when cecil stuck his head over
the top of my cubicle at the pool and said "Workin' hard or hardly
workin' there?" which made me so mad I had to take, like, two hours for
lunch. But otherwise, great day, seriously, so thanks.

Oh, and thanks for continuing to help me lose weight, the wife thinks
I'm totally sticking to my diet even though I'm eating like a fucking
pig, I don't know what you're doing but keep it up, it's great.

Unless I have cancer in which case fuck You, that's not funny.

Oh, let's see now, thanks for my Wife, she's really patient and that's
good and she really believes in You which certainly makes things easier
on me and just maybe make her a little more grateful for all the shit I
do, or, you know, more aware of the incredible amount of shit I do
which seems to be pretty much invisible to her or maybe just help me
out with my temper but seriously, she's great and way prettier than I
should have ended up with, I think we both know that, although maybe
that's just your idea of a joke, but I'll take what I can get and she
looks great. Thanks for my kids, they're great, if you could make them
listen a little more that would be great, but they're great, so thanks,
and please, please, I know I've said this before but just let me have a
stroke before they grow tits.

You and I both know what boys are like and I could not cope with a
bunch of open mouthed, dangly, adolescent, big trousered morons milling
around my house like dogs in heat. I mean, I'm not serious about the
stroke; you know that, so I don't know, maybe just make my kids a
little gay.
But with nice girlfriends, okay? I can't deal with that big shouldered
thing. No one with bigger arms than mine.

Just nice. But not too nice. Nothing complicated. You know.

Okay, okay, what else lord, OH! Do NOT let me forget the sour cream
next time I go shopping, I swear to God if I have to listen to the Wife
tell me my not buying fucking sour cream is passive aggressive I'm just
going to take a hammer to my own head and if I'm going to do something
stupid like say "I know a way you could be sure there was sour cream,
you could buy the sour cream yourself and do the rest of the FUCKING
grocery shopping while you were at it" can you just have me think it
and not say it?
I mean come on. Let's be serious. What is that? Oh and if you could
make bad stuff happen to all the people I don't like that would be
great. Not super bad stuff, just like constant heartburn or car
trouble, you know, the kind of stuff that's not so bad in the grand
scheme of things but pretty much keeps them from enjoying anything
that's good about life.
You know the people I'm talking about. And, like, mouth boils for cecil
because he's a total fuck and if you don't do something I will.

Anyway, that's about it, I hope you sleep good and remember that if I'm
going to die tonight I don't want it in my sleep, I want to wake up
first unless it's someone killing me in which case I'd just as soon
sleep through it, but if it's natural causes, please, wake me up. I
slept through the total eclipse of the moon when I was seven; I sure as
hell don't want to sleep through my own damn death. If tonight's not
the night though, that's fine, just please keep it in the back of your
head I'm one of the awake guys, not one of the asleep guys. Okay, so,
great, God, until tomorrow and just watch the wallet, or fill it, or
whatever. Don't let me tell you what to do.

Amen.